• Sandra Bonola left Connecticut for the South in search of a cheaper home and more excitement.
• After living in South Carolina, she realized the South wasn't as affordable or fun as she'd hoped.
• Now back in Connecticut, Bonola said costs are higher, but she's happier.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sandra Bonola, 56, who moved from Connecticut to Charleston, South Carolina, in 2021, then to Beaufort, South Carolina, in 2023, before deciding the South wasn't right for her. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

I am a native New Englander, born and raised in Connecticut. In late 2021, I started thinking seriously about moving. I'm an empty nester, and thanks to my remote job, I can work from anywhere in the country.

I was drawn to the South because people talked about it as if it were the promised land. The stories made it seem like it had better weather, cheaper homes, and a more affordable cost of living. I bought into that and told myself, "If I move to the South, I can have an easier life, and it won't be as expensive."

I decided to move to Charleston, South Carolina. I figured that there, I'd be outside more, near the beach, have a lower cost of living, and have access to the coast. I was also hoping for that small-town vibe and Southern charm.

I packed up the 2,500-square-foot Colonial I had lived in for 20 years and moved. I got rid of a lot of things I no longer needed and put the rest into storage.

I was really hopeful Charleston would be right for me. But about four months after moving there, I realized that almost everything I had hoped for was turning out to be the opposite.

I tested the waters in Charleston first

In Charleston, I stayed in a friend's apartment and paid rent month to month while I decided whether I wanted to buy a home there. I'm grateful for that setup because it gave me a trial period. In those four months, I learned a lot about Charleston — and about what I actually wanted.

One of the first things I noticed was that everybody seemed to be moving there. The city was crowded, and navigating the downtown area was always challenging. Its streets were also full of traffic — it would take me up to an hour to try to get to downtown Charleston from John's Island.

The city was also more expensive than I expected. I was somewhat insulated from housing costs because I was renting from my friend, but food, entertainment, and taxes were all much higher than I had anticipated.

The Southern charm I was hoping for also didn't feel as I expected. Charleston has a big "going out" culture, much of which seems to revolve around where to eat or drink. That's not really my thing. For me, the city lacked some of the creative flavor I was looking for.

The climate was another big factor. Everyone knows New England can have brutal winters, and I don't like shoveling snow, so I was eager to get away from that. But after moving South, I realized I had traded brutal winters for brutal summers. It was just so hot.

At first, I thought I just needed time to adjust. But the more I explored Charleston, the more I realized the lifestyle I had imagined didn't match my reality.

I was getting annoyed, then frustrated, and then I was done.

I tried the South again, but it still wasn't for me

I didn't feel like I had anything to lose, so I moved back to Connecticut in 2022. Instead of feeling defeated, I actually felt grateful that I had given Charleston a shot.

For a while, I rented a month-to-month beach house in Connecticut while I looked for a home to buy. But the homebuying search in New England felt bleak. I was trying to downsize, but even the smaller homes came with big-home prices. It made me feel like I might never find what I was looking for.

After house hunting for 14 months in Connecticut, I really wanted to put down roots. The idea of moving to a quieter, more affordable small town was still appealing. So in July 2023, I decided to try the South again — this time in Beaufort, South Carolina, a small town I had explored while living in Charleston.

There, I was able to purchase a beautiful three-bedroom ranch home for $425,000. It was a new build in a planned community.

The house checked a lot of boxes. It was beautiful, new, and far more affordable than what I could have bought in Connecticut. But I still didn't feel at home in Beaufort.

Affordability is important, but you also need community

In Beaufort, it was so hot that I rarely saw or interacted with my neighbors. People would say hello and then quickly go back inside. I kept thinking, "How am I ever going to socialize here?"

I joke that I'm an OG remote worker because I started working remotely in 2008. Remote work gives you some social interaction, but you still need to get outside and make real connections with people.

I tried to put myself in situations where I could meet people. I looked for yoga classes, local events, and other activities I could join. But what I found was that many people had moved there for family or moved with a spouse, and they mostly kept to themselves.

It lacked the kind of community connection I was used to seeing in the Northeast. I kept trying to make those connections and stay open to it, but it just kept falling flat.

I tell people this story, and sometimes they understand it, and sometimes they don't. But I knew I was done one morning when I woke up, looked at the ceiling fan in my bedroom, and thought, "I really hate that fan, and I'm losing hope for my life."

I didn't appreciate Connecticut's beauty until I moved back

In 2024, I moved back to Connecticut. Right now, I'm living on the coast in an apartment inside a refurbished Civil War-era hospital. I'm on one of the top floors, so I can see the boats and the water.

I'm still searching for a home and making offers with more confidence. Home prices are high here, but prices down South are creeping up, too.

I've started thinking about owning in Connecticut more as an investment in both my future and my happiness. I've set a budget of about $800,000 for a home, though some of the homes I've been interested in have been closer to $650,000.

I'm seeing possibilities I didn't see before, and that's exciting.

Being back in Connecticut has been eye-opening. I don't think I fully appreciated its beauty until I had something to compare it to.

There's so much opportunity here. I love the energy and the people. I've been taking advantage of the location, too, doing things like hopping on a train to New York to see a show or making more of an effort to connect with friends.

When I think about whether I'd move somewhere else again, I keep coming back to something a photographer once told me in Massachusetts. He had lived in Bali with his family, and I remember asking, "You lived in Bali? Why would you come to Massachusetts?"

I'll never forget what he told me. He said, "I can go anywhere in the world from an airport, but you really have to realize the ground beneath your feet is beautiful if you choose to see it that way."

That stayed with me. It changed the way I think about Connecticut and made me realize I needed to take the blinders off. There was beauty right at my feet — I just needed to see it.

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• My husband and I remodeled our 600-square-foot kitchen into an open-concept space.
• We took down walls, added windows, and replaced the cabinets to make the room feel lighter.
• After the three-month renovation, I filled the room with bright, coastal-inspired decor.

Shortly after my husband and I returned from our honeymoon, we moved from a New York City apartment to a three-bedroom, two-bathroom house we bought in Greenwich, Connecticut.

It wasn't a turnkey property — the white picket fence and bountiful rose garden I'd always envisioned were nowhere to be found — but it had potential.

The kitchen, in particular, needed extensive work.

Rather than writing off its harvest-gold linoleum floors, Formica countertops, and brown cabinets that looked straight out of the '80s, we viewed the dated interior as an opportunity for improvement.

So my husband and I rolled up our sleeves and renovated the kitchen, ultimately transforming it into a bright, coastal-inspired room at the center of our home.

We designed the room and completed the demolition, insulation, drywall, and trim ourselves (with some help from my dad) and hired a kitchen designer to install new cabinets and a countertop.

It was our first renovation project, so we felt extremely excited and accomplished when we finished and admired the results.

Our goal was to turn the dated kitchen into an open-concept, multipurpose room.

As we designed the space, we knew we didn't want it to have a traditional kitchen feel.

Our goal was to put together a warm, inviting room with an open floor plan where we could seamlessly cook, eat, relax, and entertain.

Because the front door opens directly into the room, it sets the tone for the home as soon as we walk in. Every detail mattered, and we had to carefully balance both aesthetics and functionality.

Before starting the renovation, we decided on our priorities.

To get an idea of how much we'd spend during the renovation, we listed all of our desired changes, from our must-have appliances to our wish list of finishing touches.

Our sights were set on a white cast-iron farmhouse sink, a high-end refrigerator, a custom farm table, and the quietest dishwasher we could find.

Of course, the project required more than just filling up our shopping cart. To create the open floor plan we designed, we had to take down several walls, including one that was load-bearing. We also added new windows and glass farmhouse doors to bring more natural sunlight into the space.

Other major expenses to plan for included electrical work, plumbing, insulation, drywall, flooring, kitchen cabinetry, hardware, countertops, a stove, and eventually new furniture.

Making so many decisions at once felt overwhelming, but we were determined to keep our three-month timeline on track and stick to our budget.

The cabinets were the centerpiece of the room.

We removed the dated brown cabinets from the studs and swapped them out for bright white, Shaker-style ones with honey-bronze hardware.

Before we even made it to this step, I'd already planned to showcase my favorite Anthropologie plates and glasses inside a few glass cabinets.

When it came time to furnish and decorate, we chose multifunctional pieces with a coastal-cottage aesthetic.

Although construction took three months, we needed a bit more time to get the space ready for guests.

The room is only about 600 square feet, so we had to be intentional with the space if we wanted it to look clean and uncluttered.

On the wall opposite the cabinets, we installed an arched glass buffet. It provides plenty of storage and doubles as a surface for serving guests.

The furniture we selected is all light in color and extremely practical.

Instead of a traditional island, we opted for a custom farm table in a natural beachy wood finish that could serve as a dining surface and prep area. On top of it sits an oversized charcuterie board, a practical and aesthetically pleasing piece.

We removed the wood-burning fireplace and opted for a modern gas unit, complete with driftwood logs. We styled the area in front with shiplap and white marble tiles.

For seating, we decided on a cozy sectional, statement chair, and plush ottoman that doubles as a coffee table.

The finishing touches really brought our vision to life.

The wide farmhouse-style trim throughout the space and around the windows ties the aesthetic together.

I also always have fresh flowers from my garden in a vase and beach-themed candles on my arched cabinet buffet.

Once one of our least favorite rooms in the house, the kitchen is now the space of our dreams.

Our charming, quaint main room is everything I hoped it would be. I spend every day in our open-concept kitchen and wouldn't have it any other way.

It serves as both my workspace and a calming oasis. I now have a space where I can be productive, experiment with new recipes, entertain family and friends, or simply relax in front of the fireplace.

Whether I'm coming home from a trip or a day of errands, I breathe a sigh of relief the moment I step inside the front door. Enjoying my morning espresso in the sunlight pouring through the windows gives me pure joy.

The results are worth every penny we spent and each hour of our hard work.

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