• Up to 40% of men admit to losing their rings. My husband was one of them.
• To help travelers like us find lost jewelry, people-for-hire scour beaches with metal detectors.
• We found Antigua's very own treasure hunter through Facebook.

My husband and I were on our blissful honeymoon, beach hopping in Antigua, when a look of horror passed over his face. Amid the splashing and digging for shells, his wedding ring had slipped off.

"It's gone. My ring is gone!" Panic rose in his voice.

I, despite my dramatic nature, was surprisingly calm. We bought his 14-karat gold ring at Costco for $1,000. If we had to lose a ring, I'd rather his than mine, which is a family heirloom. However, his band was the one I'd slipped on his finger after our vows, so it had sentimental value.

"We'll find it!" I squeaked. I ran up to a vendor on the beach and asked if we could borrow snorkels. We spent the next hour circling the same 30-square-foot patch of the ocean floor. Nothing.

The sun was setting, so we dragged our dejected, dripping selves into towels and returned the masks. My husband wavered between dead silence and frustrated groans on the drive back.

That night, we looked through pictures and realized we'd lost it at a different beach: Turner's. We'd been looking in the wrong place.

Facebook to the rescue

My husband's not alone in his misfortune. Statistics vary, but several reports over the years estimate that between 10% to 40% of men lose their wedding rings at some point. Through many Reddit posts, I realized there's a solution: a metal detector.

Turns out, people make careers from finding jewelry on the ocean floor. And it's getting more popular due to surging gold prices.

I came across an article in The Wall Street Journal about a famous man from the island of Mauritius who'd found a Frenchman's ring in the ocean not once but twice. I wondered if Antigua had its own treasure hunter.

So I posted in a tourists' Facebook group: "We're on our honeymoon. My husband lost his ring. Does anyone have a metal detector?"

The first comment completely deflated my confidence: "That's a bad omen lol." Another said, "I never wear my good jewelry in the ocean." Most people suggested we pray to St. Anthony or wished us luck. Finally, the next morning, someone mentioned Winston.

Winston Merchant's a local guy from St. John. Over a WhatsApp call, he offered: "$50 if I don't find it. $200 if I do. Cash." We agreed.

"Do you think it'll still be there after two days in the ocean?" I asked over the phone, anxiously chewing my lip.

"Ya, man. It'll be there." Winston's quiet confidence raised our hopes.

The day of the hunt

We met Winston the next morning, 44 hours after my husband lost his ring. He radiated calm. I live in New York City, so I can't grasp the concept of calm, let alone embody it. But this man did. He sported flip flops and a Bob Marley shirt.

As we got to talking, he estimated he's unearthed about 1,000 pieces of jewelry.

"But I've been doing this a long time, man. Since 1998," he later said.

He said he's found rings, chains, and bracelets, mostly for tourists. One time, he said he tracked down a valuable pendant the size of a grain of rice on a resort lawn. Another time, he found a woman's diamond ring on the Sandals beach and delivered it to the airport moments before she boarded her flight.

Full-time, Winston farms marijuana and black pineapple — a rare, exceptionally sweet variety only found in Antigua. This helps him fund his side gig of metal detecting, which isn't cheap.

He said his latest detector, a Garrett Sea Hunter Mark II, cost him $800, and a pair of new headphones set him back $140.

He used my own ring to make sure he was on the right frequency for gold, adjusting the knobs as he floated the sensor over my hand. Then, he set off, scanning the beach.

Soon, he was knee deep in the bluest water I'd ever seen. Whenever his sensor beeped in his ears, he'd scoop a pile of sand from the ocean floor and sift it with a second contraption that resembled a pasta colander, but was cylinder-shaped.

He unearthed a quarter. "I'll keep that," he cracked. Then a matchbox car. Then one aluminum can lid after another. All of it went deep in his pocket so he wouldn't come across it again.

At one point, he was neck deep in water, and I was beginning to lose hope.

Striking gold

An hour and a half later, I sat 15 feet from the water's edge contemplating how we'd afford a new ring when Winston calmly sauntered up.

He held out the pasta-collander tool and said, "You better go surprise him." I peered inside, and there lay a golden ring. Eyes wide, I screamed an expletive.

"Go put it in a shell or something," Winston smiled knowingly. Clearly, he'd done this before.

I ran up the beach, grabbed a shell, and tucked it and the ring inside my palm. I bolted up to my husband and said, "Look at this pretty shell I found." Unfolding my hand, I revealed the ring. Another expletive. My husband's eyes were gleaming.

The pair of us bounced around, cackling to anyone who'd listen, "Winston found it! In the ocean of all places!"

Collectively, that ring spent more hours in the ocean than I did on my honeymoon.

Winston didn't seem surprised at his success. He estimates his find rate is 95%. Sometimes he ditches the metal detector and searches with his hand by feel. He puts so much effort into his hunts because he knows the feeling of losing something special, he told me.

"It's not just a ring. A lot of memories flash through your head when you lose it," he said. "That joy from your vacation gets pushed back, and you leave bitter. I make somebody happy again."

It seemed fitting that my husband was wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates hat. We'd been searching for lost treasure with Winston, who'd struck gold.

• I'm a wedding planner giving advice to readers about sharing crucial information with guests.
• It's OK to skip an open bar, but you should make your plan clear to guests.
• It's best to be straightforward in your invite and tell your guests to avoid wearing white.

In my many years of being a wedding planner, I've helped couples navigate all sorts of difficult situations before and during their big day.

Here are answers to a few common questions they've asked me.

Q: Can we skip bridesmaids and groomsmen? How will this affect the ceremony?

A: You can skip bridesmaids and groomsmen. It's up to you and your partner, but you can either skip those particular titles, which are gendered, or you can forgo a wedding party entirely.

This can affect the ceremony since a wedding party is often standing or sitting alongside a couple at the altar. If you want people to be with you rather than in the audience with other guests, arrange this accordingly — but it's also not necessary that anyone be up there with you.

The biggest change may actually be before and after the ceremony.

Before, you and your partner will want to be very clear about who, if anyone, is taking on the responsibilities that often fall to members of a wedding party. This can include hosting celebrations like an engagement party, a wedding shower, and a bachelor or bachelorette party.

After that, you two will want to pick the witnesses who will sign your legal marriage license, as they are required in nearly all US states.

Though I've worked venues where the witnesses were not members of the wedding party, they often are a part of this group.

Q: Will guests judge us if we have a cash bar?

A: Here's my response to any guest who judges you two for not paying a multi-thousand-dollar bar tab: Pay a cover.

The average cost to cater a guest at a wedding is about $80, and that's before alcohol. So, not opting for an open bar is quite reasonable.

The trick is to message ahead of time through guest-facing communication, such as an invitation or a wedding website. Consider a line as straightforward as "cash bar" to signal to your guests that "there'll be alcohol here but no, we're not paying for it."

I also wish more couples would consider doing an open bar for cocktail hour and a cash bar for the reception. I've done this several times at weddings, and it's always worked well.

Another way to do this is to set a limit with the bar, say, $500. Tell the bartender to notify you or someone you trust when you're approaching this limit. Then you and your partner can decide whether to change the limit or move to cash.

However, setting a limit also requires you to think about logistics on your wedding day, so it's not the right fit for everyone. I suggest it as an option if you two are having trouble deciding what the right number is for the tab.

Q: How many people from our guest list will actually show?

A: Couples often tell me some form of "We're inviting 200, but only think 100 will come." Please don't invite way more guests than you want or than your venue can accommodate — it can backfire.

In my experience, a more reasonable attrition rate is between 10% and 12%, but this can also vary. You may have fewer guests attend if you're planning a destination wedding or invite people with kids.

When in doubt, invite fewer people and then expand your guest list as RSVPs come in. It's not as rude as you think.

Q: How do I get guests to not wear white to a wedding?

A: You tell them not to wear white to a wedding. Guests don't usually do this, but if someone showing up in white will change how you feel about your wedding, communicate that boundary.

Here's one way it could look: "We kindly ask that you do not wear white to the wedding." Then, include details about things people can wear: "All other colors encouraged" or "Black tie but no white, please."

Share this information on your biggest piece of guest-facing communication. This might be an invitation, a wedding website, a Facebook group, or an email — whatever you and your partner are using to tell people the who, what, where, and when of your special day.

This story was originally published on February 17, 2022, and most recently updated on April 7, 2026.