• Sandra Bonola left Connecticut for the South in search of a cheaper home and more excitement.
• After living in South Carolina, she realized the South wasn't as affordable or fun as she'd hoped.
• Now back in Connecticut, Bonola said costs are higher, but she's happier.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sandra Bonola, 56, who moved from Connecticut to Charleston, South Carolina, in 2021, then to Beaufort, South Carolina, in 2023, before deciding the South wasn't right for her. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

I am a native New Englander, born and raised in Connecticut. In late 2021, I started thinking seriously about moving. I'm an empty nester, and thanks to my remote job, I can work from anywhere in the country.

I was drawn to the South because people talked about it as if it were the promised land. The stories made it seem like it had better weather, cheaper homes, and a more affordable cost of living. I bought into that and told myself, "If I move to the South, I can have an easier life, and it won't be as expensive."

I decided to move to Charleston, South Carolina. I figured that there, I'd be outside more, near the beach, have a lower cost of living, and have access to the coast. I was also hoping for that small-town vibe and Southern charm.

I packed up the 2,500-square-foot Colonial I had lived in for 20 years and moved. I got rid of a lot of things I no longer needed and put the rest into storage.

I was really hopeful Charleston would be right for me. But about four months after moving there, I realized that almost everything I had hoped for was turning out to be the opposite.

I tested the waters in Charleston first

In Charleston, I stayed in a friend's apartment and paid rent month to month while I decided whether I wanted to buy a home there. I'm grateful for that setup because it gave me a trial period. In those four months, I learned a lot about Charleston — and about what I actually wanted.

One of the first things I noticed was that everybody seemed to be moving there. The city was crowded, and navigating the downtown area was always challenging. Its streets were also full of traffic — it would take me up to an hour to try to get to downtown Charleston from John's Island.

The city was also more expensive than I expected. I was somewhat insulated from housing costs because I was renting from my friend, but food, entertainment, and taxes were all much higher than I had anticipated.

The Southern charm I was hoping for also didn't feel as I expected. Charleston has a big "going out" culture, much of which seems to revolve around where to eat or drink. That's not really my thing. For me, the city lacked some of the creative flavor I was looking for.

The climate was another big factor. Everyone knows New England can have brutal winters, and I don't like shoveling snow, so I was eager to get away from that. But after moving South, I realized I had traded brutal winters for brutal summers. It was just so hot.

At first, I thought I just needed time to adjust. But the more I explored Charleston, the more I realized the lifestyle I had imagined didn't match my reality.

I was getting annoyed, then frustrated, and then I was done.

I tried the South again, but it still wasn't for me

I didn't feel like I had anything to lose, so I moved back to Connecticut in 2022. Instead of feeling defeated, I actually felt grateful that I had given Charleston a shot.

For a while, I rented a month-to-month beach house in Connecticut while I looked for a home to buy. But the homebuying search in New England felt bleak. I was trying to downsize, but even the smaller homes came with big-home prices. It made me feel like I might never find what I was looking for.

After house hunting for 14 months in Connecticut, I really wanted to put down roots. The idea of moving to a quieter, more affordable small town was still appealing. So in July 2023, I decided to try the South again — this time in Beaufort, South Carolina, a small town I had explored while living in Charleston.

There, I was able to purchase a beautiful three-bedroom ranch home for $425,000. It was a new build in a planned community.

The house checked a lot of boxes. It was beautiful, new, and far more affordable than what I could have bought in Connecticut. But I still didn't feel at home in Beaufort.

Affordability is important, but you also need community

In Beaufort, it was so hot that I rarely saw or interacted with my neighbors. People would say hello and then quickly go back inside. I kept thinking, "How am I ever going to socialize here?"

I joke that I'm an OG remote worker because I started working remotely in 2008. Remote work gives you some social interaction, but you still need to get outside and make real connections with people.

I tried to put myself in situations where I could meet people. I looked for yoga classes, local events, and other activities I could join. But what I found was that many people had moved there for family or moved with a spouse, and they mostly kept to themselves.

It lacked the kind of community connection I was used to seeing in the Northeast. I kept trying to make those connections and stay open to it, but it just kept falling flat.

I tell people this story, and sometimes they understand it, and sometimes they don't. But I knew I was done one morning when I woke up, looked at the ceiling fan in my bedroom, and thought, "I really hate that fan, and I'm losing hope for my life."

I didn't appreciate Connecticut's beauty until I moved back

In 2024, I moved back to Connecticut. Right now, I'm living on the coast in an apartment inside a refurbished Civil War-era hospital. I'm on one of the top floors, so I can see the boats and the water.

I'm still searching for a home and making offers with more confidence. Home prices are high here, but prices down South are creeping up, too.

I've started thinking about owning in Connecticut more as an investment in both my future and my happiness. I've set a budget of about $800,000 for a home, though some of the homes I've been interested in have been closer to $650,000.

I'm seeing possibilities I didn't see before, and that's exciting.

Being back in Connecticut has been eye-opening. I don't think I fully appreciated its beauty until I had something to compare it to.

There's so much opportunity here. I love the energy and the people. I've been taking advantage of the location, too, doing things like hopping on a train to New York to see a show or making more of an effort to connect with friends.

When I think about whether I'd move somewhere else again, I keep coming back to something a photographer once told me in Massachusetts. He had lived in Bali with his family, and I remember asking, "You lived in Bali? Why would you come to Massachusetts?"

I'll never forget what he told me. He said, "I can go anywhere in the world from an airport, but you really have to realize the ground beneath your feet is beautiful if you choose to see it that way."

That stayed with me. It changed the way I think about Connecticut and made me realize I needed to take the blinders off. There was beauty right at my feet — I just needed to see it.

• Every December, I travel with my mother-in-law and wife. This year, we took a trip to Charleston.
• Encouraging my mother-in-law to help plan led us to experiences we wouldn't have found on our own.
• We built the days around what she could handle and took turns picking activities and restaurants.

My wife, Cece, moved from Texas to Australia 12 years ago, but we still head back to the US every Christmas.

While we're home, the two of us take a trip with her mother, Liz. Liz's partner, Pete, doesn't like to travel, so this annual December trip is her primary holiday.

In the past, we've headed to Nashville, Seattle, and Washington DC. At the end of last year, we spent four days in Charleston and had a wonderful trip.

We picked activities at Liz's pace and took turns choosing experiences

Over the years, we've learned that Liz enjoys a trip more when she can help shape it rather than just show up for it. So before heading to Charleston, I had a visitor's brochure mailed to her in Texas.

The day it arrived, she called with a list of things she had already researched and wanted to try, including a Gullah Geechee tour to learn about the history and culture of the descendants of enslaved Africans who settled along the Carolina coast.

Bus and walking tours were available, and we chose the bus even though I would've preferred the latter.

It was important for us to consider what would be most sustainable for my 75-year-old mother-in-law when booking activities. Riding the bus meant Liz could arrive at lunch with energy instead of blisters.

Throughout the trip, we also took turns selecting activities so no one felt left out. My choice was a cocktail-making class, which is also indoors and offers plenty of seating.

Liz drinks a little but would never have thought to book a class like this herself, which is another perk of taking turns: You get to try things you never thought you would.

The class ended up being just the three of us at a bar with a 25-year-old instructor. We learned how the Old Fashioned got its name, what makes a good bartender, and that Liz pours generously. Her first attempt overflowed.

By the third round, Liz was jiggling the shaker like a professional and informing us she was keeping up with "the young kids."

The instructor even invited her behind the bar. She posed for the camera, and we sent the video straight to Pete. He replied: "Oh boy. She's really loving this."

Liz also chose for us to visit the Charleston City Market, a stretch of local vendors and artists that has been running for centuries.

We'd planned to stop for an hour and stayed for over two as Liz watched sweetgrass baskets being woven, bought Christmas ornaments, and talked to every artisan who'd stand still long enough.

I walked ahead and checked my watch several times, but tried to stay patient. Liz had taken a whole cocktail-making class she'd never have picked herself, so two hours at the market felt fair.

Each of us got to choose a meal, too

Over our four days, we each picked a meal to share. Liz chose Lewis BBQ, partly because it's run by a fellow Texan, which she felt was a good sign.

She takes barbecue seriously, and the brisket was the real test. Her wide post-bite smile told me the barbecue had passed.

I took us to Southern restaurant Poogan's Porch one night so we could order shrimp and grits, something I'd never tried.

Cece chose to get breakfast on our last morning at Callie's Hot Little Biscuits. We ordered a range of sweet and savory bites, and Cece and I managed to take down one biscuit each.

Liz had two and a half and immediately bought a box to take home.

In the end, a few things made the trip work

Encouraging my mother-in-law to plan from Texas meant she arrived at our destination already invested with ideas we'd never have found on our own.

Picking activities at a pace that suited everyone, like the Gullah Geechee bus tour and the cocktail-making class, meant no one was worn out by dinner — and taking turns meant nobody got dragged through someone else's idea of fun for too long.

At the end of the trip, Liz flew home to San Antonio with biscuits, cocktail recipes, and Christmas ornaments. Her partner said she looked like she was having the time of her life in the photos and videos we sent, though the cocktails are still a work in progress.

We've already begun planning this December's trip, so I should probably send a new brochure to Liz soon.