• Michaeleen Doucleff, author of "Dopamine Kids," wanted to wean her daughter off screens.
• She said the key was to replace screens with activities that genuinely motivated and excited her daughter.
• She also cut back on buying ultra-processed foods by having her daughter bake cookies from scratch.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Michaeleen Doucleff, the author of "Hunt, Gather, Parent" and "Dopamine Kids," released on March 3. This story has been edited for length and clarity.

Around the time my daughter, Rosy, was 4, we went to the beach. It was a really beautiful, sunny day, and I realized I couldn't enjoy it. She was having a great time building a sandcastle; I was sitting there checking my email, texts, and social media.

I felt this little hum of anxiety. Was she going to grow up without me being able to enjoy our lives together?

I started examining my own relationship to dopamine, the brain systems involved in reward and motivation, whether it is related to screens or ultra-processed foods. I realized that for me, these products were reclaiming the pleasure in our lives.

My life started to change when I set limits on screen time and processed snacks, swapping them for other activities and whole foods.

Then I wanted to help Rosy, who was 8 at the time.

I learned that a lot of the advice out there didn't work for me because it was based on research from 20 to 40 years ago. I kept trying things that I would read in parenting books, like "let children be bored." If I told Rosy to go to her room and play without screens, I'd just create a struggle. She'd crave screen time even more.

The truth is, parents are up against a lot. Apps, games, and ultra-processed foods are designed to keep us coming back. Research suggests that if parents don't have a clear mission for their families, it's much harder to keep impulses under control.

Luckily, research also suggests ways to change your child's relationship with screens. Here's how I got my daughter to swap them for activities that she enjoys.

I made a 'family dream list' to guide us

The first step is about taking back the wheel. That came with deciding what I wanted for my family. What was my dream?

Exploration is a fundamental need for my child, and I didn't want her to fulfill it with video games and social media. Instead, I wanted Rosy to enjoy being outside with her friends and going on adventures.

So one day, I said, "I'm going to teach you to do something you've been dying to do," which was riding a bike by herself to the market. We spent a few nights biking around everywhere until she felt comfortable on her own. Instead of watching YouTube videos of cartoon characters biking around, she could now do it herself.

Now that she's 10, biking is one of Rosy's favorite activities. She bikes to piano lessons and soccer practice. Sometimes, on Saturdays, she'll spend six hours biking with her friends, then come home exhausted and happy.

Leaning into her natural motivation

Dopamine plays a key role in motivation; it makes us seek out things that feel rewarding. To compete with screens, it helps to ride the motivational wave.

Once, we were in the cookie aisle of the grocery store. Rosy started begging for cookies because foods like that light up the brain's reward system. Instead of saying no to the cookies, I wanted to cultivate her desire to create a new habit.

I said, "OK, you can have the cookies, but you're going to bake the cookies all by yourself." I'd help her get started, and she learned how to use the mixer and oven.

When she finished baking the cookies, she ate only one or two. She wanted to save the rest because they were so precious to her. To this day, she's an amazing baker. A couple of months ago, she made a whole lasagna for dinner.

It turned out to be a great swap we made, both for cutting down on store-bought snacks and on screen time.

Micro-celebrations kept her going

The internet uses micro-celebrations: The little "ding" when you send a message, the hearts, the emojis. They seem very simple, and like they're not doing anything, but they're triggering a tiny bit of pleasure in our brains. It's the superglue that keeps us attached.

As a parent, I wanted to give Rosy similar micro-celebrations. When Rosy and I were first starting to bike around the neighborhood, every now and then I'd say, "Wow, this is really fun. I love this. This feels so good." It's just about sprinkling in a little bit of excitement.

Another really powerful micro-celebration parents can use is having the kid present what they made to you, whether it's a drawing or a craft. It creates an emotional payoff for the child, making them feel like they've done something important. It'll make them want to keep doing it more and more.

I set a price for screen time

Products like TVs and tablets are what I call "dopamine magnets"; they're incredibly hard to resist. We can't rely on willpower alone. Instead, we need very clear, simple rules that never change.

Almost every Saturday afternoon, Rosy would ask to watch a movie. Finally, I agreed, but with one new rule: She had to write a two-page summary of the last movie she watched, and present it to me.

At first, I was blown away. She ran to go do it — she was really willing to work to get this movie. Still, after a few times, she stopped asking for Saturday movies. She decided they weren't worth the price.

By then, we had other activities to replace the movie. On top of riding her bike, she was making a lot of crafts — embroidering, crocheting, and paper quilling.

Creating screen-free environments

What many people don't realize is that the pull happens before you use the device. Usually, there's some cue in your environment, such as the sight of your phone or the places you typically use it.

For example, a child might associate getting into the car with playing games on a tablet. Instead, you can change that to another activity. We bought a CD player for Rosy so she could listen to audiobooks on drives. It forces her to wait and listen to the book again, instead of us immediately buying a new one.

Without changing cues, parents may have to fight to pull their kids off screens or to police what they eat.

By using these behavioral principles, you can set up routines that help kids rely less on willpower alone. Over time, those pathways stick.

• Many tech leaders say they're ditching screen time limits, though some still use them.
• Instead, they're focused on how their kids are interacting with technology, prioritizing creativity.
• Short-form video and social media remain major concerns for many parents.

These days, parenting means navigating a seemingly endless parade of decisions about technology. Can your toddler watch "Sesame Street" on an iPad? Does FaceTiming the grandparents count toward screen time? Should your teen have access to social media just because "everyone else" seems to?

Parents are more cognizant than ever about the pitfalls — and potential — of technology, so it's natural to wonder how the people leading tech companies handle this with their own kids. Paypal cofounder Peter Thiel and Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel have both said they limit their young children (all 8 or under) to an hour and a half of screen time per week. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has said that he wants his kids to use screens for communication, not passive consumption.

It turns out, tech leaders, for the most part, are like the rest of us: trying to balance screen-free time and critical thinking skills, while also giving their kids access to the world that technology can unlock.

Here's how seven tech leaders are handling technology decisions for their families.

Finding the middle

Kate Doerksen is the co-founder and CEO of Sage Haven, an app that helps parents monitor their kids' messaging. Her kids, who are 7 and 9, get an hour per day on their iPads or Nintendo Switch, plus additional time if the family is playing a video game together. She plans to delay smartphones and social media, but her daughter has an Apple Watch with messenger (which Doerksen monitors).

"Like most things in life, the right answer feels like it lies somewhere in the middle," Doerksen says. "It's not tech abstinence, and it's not unlimited, unfettered usage. It's moderate usage on non-addictive apps and games with boundaries."

Learning and creating

As the chief learning officer at the online education company Stride, Niyoka McCoy, sees tech as a normal part of life, but she's still intentional about how her children — who are 14 and 2 — use it.

"We believe technology should be a tool for learning and creativity first, and entertainment second," she says. Her kids don't have hard-and-fast screen time limits, but McCoy aims to avoid them passively consuming content.

"When kids spend too much time scrolling or watching instead of creating, learning, or building something meaningful," she says, "that is when technology stops being beneficial."

Focusing on well-being, not screen time

Three years ago, Hari Ravichandran's daughter, who was then 13, went through a tough time — one that he believes her access to a smartphone contributed to. He had given her a phone at 13, but now believes that was too young, so he decided to take the phone away and delay access until 15 or 16 for her as well as his three younger children.

"I knew we couldn't just send her back into the same digital environment that had amplified those issues," said Ravichandran, the founder and CEO of online security company Aura.

At the same time, "What I think is overblown is the idea that technology itself is the enemy," Ravichandran says. "Cutting it out completely doesn't solve the root problem and can actually limit kids' independence and digital literacy."

Today, he focuses on how technology impacts his children's mood, sleep, self-esteem, and overall well-being.

"For us, it's less about strict bans and more about awareness, accountability, and open dialogue," he says.

Making sure values align

Tim Sheehan, co-founder and CEO Greenlight — which provides debit cards for children and teens — gave his four kids access to smartphones at 12, and social media at 15. His kids now range in age from 17 to 26. When they were younger, he watched their tech consumption closely, knowing how impressionable they were.

"My goal is to make sure the outside influences in their lives support the values we're trying to instill," he says.

Limiting short-term video

Justice Eroline, chief technology officer at the software development firm BairesDev, has a blanket rule of 1 hour of screen time for his kids, who are 8, 10, and 12. Even within that, he pays close attention to the type of content they're watching.

"I don't allow short-form content for the kids as it affects their attention span," he says.

Ahu Chhapgar, chief technology officer at fintech company Paysafe and dad of two (ages 10 and 13), says short-form video worries him more than anything else.

"When kids get access to it, they almost enter a trance," he says. "That level of stimulus is not how the brain evolved to process information, and I do worry about long-term effects on attention and impulse control."

Allowing AI, and gaming

Unlike some parents, Eroline is much less concerned about gaming.

"Video games can teach kids a lot of different things: teamwork, reaction time, problem solving, grit, dealing with defeat," Eroline says. "The content of the video game might be questionable, but there are plenty that can work for different age ranges."

Chhapgar won't let his kids have access to smartphones until they're 14, and social media until they're 16, but he does encourage them to use ChatGPT for 20 minutes each day.

"No one has all the answers about AI yet," he says. "So I'd rather they explore, build, and experiment responsibly instead of just passively consuming technology."

Controlling the interaction

Nik Kale, principal engineer with Cisco Systems, makes sure that his 3-year-old isn't given a screen when she's upset.

"I don't want her building a dependency where the first response to discomfort is a device," he explains.

He also ensures that he or his wife — not an algorithm — are choosing what their daughter sees.

"I don't let automated systems make unsupervised decisions in my production environments at work," he says. "I'm not going to let one make unsupervised decisions about what my three-year-old's brain consumes either."

That, to him, is much more important than seemingly arbitrary screen time limits.

"Parents are adding up minutes like it's a toxicity dosage," he says, "when the real variable is whether a human or an algorithm is driving the experience."