• Lori Bufka, 64, cares for her aging mother in Arizona due to high assisted living costs.
• Bufka's mother lives in a nearby trailer, reducing care costs and enabling family support.
• Tech aids Bufka in remotely monitoring her mother, enhancing her caregiving abilities.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Lori Bufka, 64, who is caring for her mother with dementia in Arizona. Assisted living became too expensive for her mother, so Bufka moved her into a trailer next to their home, where her mother would have enough space and safety. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

I was a college professor and retired from a community college in Florida. I raised two boys, both of whom are married, and I have five grandchildren. I had retired to do van life with my partner, who has been with me for seven years. I realized, though, that you can only do so much van life before you need a place to come home to. So we bought a tiny house in Arizona.

I'm an only child, and my mom was in assisted living in California. When she went into assisted living, her veteran benefits and Social Security were enough to cover the cost of her care. She was in assisted living for over seven years, and she had sold her house and had some savings. The rate kept going up and up, and it was draining her savings.

The cost was about $4,700 a month, and it was about to go up to $5,200, which was a couple of thousand dollars more than what she earned.

She's 88, and I wanted to keep her there as long as she could. When I got the notice that the rate was going up again, and that they were going to raise her quality of care cost because her dementia was getting worse, her savings were down to almost nothing. They said that she would be moved to a dementia unit with four other people, and I didn't want that to happen to her.

Additionally, as her dementia got worse, she would get so many scam calls. She was savvy her whole life and worked as a lead for a law firm and a real estate agent, but it came to a point where I had to turn off her phone.

It was cheaper to take care of Mom at home

My partner and I decided that we could probably take care of her. It would be a lot cheaper. We started making the moves to bring her here so that I could take care of her. I brought my mom in to live by us in November.

There wasn't going to be room for her and my partner, so I had to give her a little model home in the same trailer park. Hers is about 700 square feet and is about a minute's walk from me. There are a lot of older people here, and the owner keeps a good eye on everyone. I knew that she wasn't going to be with me, but she needed care as if she were.

The trailer was in the low five figures, and we bought it using two-thirds of her savings and one-third of my savings. The rent for the space a little over $500 monthly. It's so much cheaper this way because my partner and I split the caregiving. Her utility bills run about $200 monthly in the winter and $70 in the summer. Caring for her started to become a little much for me, but because we're in the mountains, there aren't many home health organizations here, and none take her insurance.

She went into hospice care, and we hired someone to come for a few hours a week. It was supposed to be $37 for two hours, but when I got the bill, they tacked on mileage, so it became $92. We figured it wasn't worth it, so now hospice volunteers visit every now and then, and hospice covers medically necessary appointments. We know we're probably going to take care of her until she dies, unless she gets to a point where I can't take care of her.

It was a huge change in our lifestyle

We haven't been traveling since November, and I haven't been away from her for more than three hours at a time. My mom is deaf, and it would've been challenging to deal with that from afar.

My mom is somewhat independent still. She can dress herself and go about her day. I wake up every morning and make sure she's still in bed, then I turn on her coffee maker. I bring her breakfast over and leave notes about what she should do, like how to use the microwave. I check on her every half hour until she finally gets up. I come over before lunch to give her pills, eat lunch with her, and then sit with her until the afternoon, when she watches TV by herself. She can't cook dinner, so my partner cooks all her meals, and we bring them over.

The trailer has a bedroom at the back, then a small bathroom, kitchen, and living room. The rooms are big enough for her to guide her walker through, and because of how narrow it is, it lessens the fall risk. They had an old-fashioned bathtub that you had to step over to get in, but the woman who owns the trailer park hired a guy to lower the height. We also had to install railings on the porch. The kitchen has an electric stove, which is great because a gas stove isn't good when someone has dementia, because they can accidentally light a fire.

Tech has helped me take care of her remotely

One of the biggest nightmares is that people with dementia can't work the TV and telephone. She got to the point where she could barely use the remote, and she would start pushing buttons and would not stop.

I had come across JubileeTV, a TV system that lets you change channels remotely. The price wasn't prohibitive for us. The Jubilee remote replaced the Roku remote and came with a cover, so the buttons she can actually press are limited to volume and channels. If I'm out at the store, I can use the telescope function to see what she's done with the TV and get it back to what she wants to watch.

I often call her, so it comes up on the TV, and she uses closed captioning so she can read what I'm saying. The app has an automatic connect function because my mom wouldn't be able to answer a call or find the buttons to do so. The communication function also allows my sons to call her, and her hospice nurses can do the same.

I have used the app's drop-in function to look in and see if she's OK. I use that in conjunction with Blink cameras to make sure she doesn't fall. Those have been important because my mom has fallen a lot since she moved here. I probably check on her three or four times during the night and frequently during the day. One time, she put Dawn dishwashing soap in her glass of water because she wanted to add flavor, so I've had to stop her from doing unsafe things a few times.

I also have smart plugs from Alexa that let her control her radiator heater and other electronics. She has a cheap laptop that I put the Google Live Transcribe app on.

Tech has helped me in so many ways, and seeing her age at home has been somewhat stress-relieving.

• My family of five moved in with my parents earlier this year.
• It took my parents a bit of an adjustment period to get used to us in their space.
• Now, they don't want us to leave.

When my siblings and I moved out of home in our late teens and early 20s, my mom really struggled with the empty nest syndrome. Even years later, when we were getting married and having babies of our own, she would talk about how much she missed her four kids.

Never in a million years did she ever think any of us would be back living at home as adults. But as fate would have it, here I am, age 41, living with my mom and dad, along with my three kids and husband.

In January, my family of five moved from country Victoria, Australia, to the Gold Coast, my hometown. To save money, my folks offered us the bottom level of their double-story home. For the first couple of months, they were overseas traveling, and then in March, our multigenerational living story began.

I'm not going to lie — it did take time for my folks to adjust to sharing their space. After all, they had lived alone in the family home for 20-odd years. Suddenly, there were boisterous (and often messy) kids tearing around, and two extra adults in the house.

However, after setting a few ground rules, we soon got into a nice daily rhythm, and they are now genuinely loving having us around. The other day, my mom even said she didn't want us to leave.

I know that my folks are the ones doing us the favor, not the other way around. We haven't had to pay rent for four months or worry about buying furniture after the interstate move. But funnily enough, I think my parents are also benefiting from the multigenerational living arrangement in various ways.

More security and safety

My parents are doing pretty well for their age, but their health has still declined in recent years. I think having my husband and me around has improved their sense of safety, as we can offer care and assist during emergencies.

The other day, my 81-year-old dad took a tumble at the top of the stairs. Ordinarily, my 77-year-old mom would have had to heave him up on her own or call my brother or sister to dash over. But because I was downstairs working and heard the thud, I ran upstairs and checked he was OK.

Likewise, when my mom deteriorated rapidly from a bacterial lung infection recently, my husband and I made the decision to call an ambulance. I'm glad we did, as she ended up staying in the hospital for a week. If we weren't around, my dad would have had to deal with the situation on his own or call my siblings to assist.

Built-in companionship

We try to give each other plenty of space, but we still spend a lot of time together throughout the day. Every morning, I have tea with my dad, and during my lunch break, I eat with my folks. We also share nightly meals and chat about the day's events.

When us kids left, I think mom struggled with grief, loneliness, and a loss of purpose. But now, their home is filled with laughter and grandkids. My parents don't get a chance to feel lonely, and they are still very much needed.

Household help and shared responsibilities

Being a double-story house, Mom and Dad's home takes a lot of energy to maintain, especially for two older people. But having two extra adults taking care of the property has eased the burden on my folks.

My husband handles most of the yard maintenance and any heavy lifting, while I cook, do housework, and assist with tech issues. I really didn't want to create any extra strain on my folks, so we are trying our hardest to be of value to them.

Everybody wins

Overall, multigenerational living has been deeply rewarding to both us and to my folks. It has injected vibrant new energy into our old family home, created extra support for my parents, and made us feel like we are 'part of the village.'

I'm sure there are times when my parents long for a bit of peace and quiet, or when they want to scream after sitting down on the couch, only to find a Nerf bullet or stray Barbie arm poking into their backside. But there have been so many unexpected upsides, and I'm really glad I returned to the nest, 41 and all.

This 'as-told-to' essay is based on a conversation with Juli Ford, a 57-year-old real estate agent and certified senior advisor based in Massachusetts. It has been edited for length and clarity.

When my children were young, we saw my parents all the time.

We lived very close to each other in South Plymouth, Massachusetts, and my parents always helped with the kids. From the time they were born, Wednesdays were Grammy and Grampy Day.

My dad got sick in 2005. When we learned in the summer of 2011 that he probably didn't have much time left, we talked about what life would be like after he was gone, including where my mom would live.

When he passed in December 2011, my mom was not ready to live with us. At 68, she had never lived on her own. She'd been with my dad since she was 15.

Then, in April 2015, a house in Pembroke, Massachusetts, about 30 minutes from South Plymouth, came on the market. The second I saw it online, I thought, "Oh, this is perfect."

The house had a beautiful in-law apartment

The house is 4,300 square feet, and the basement is about 800 square feet. Upstairs, there are three bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms.

My mom fell in love with the home's basement apartment. It's full of beautiful natural light. It's one bedroom with a den, a full kitchen, a fireplace, its own laundry, 1.5 baths, its own outdoor patio, and two entrances.

We made an offer within two days. We bought the house in April 2015 for $630,000.

My mom had no interest in ownership. Instead, she made a financial contribution toward the down payment equal to what she would have paid in rent for the next five years.

She also gave us money every year for utilities. Last year, she started making a bigger monthly contribution to help cover household expenses. She essentially has not had to pay rent for 10 years, and as the house gets older, the cost of maintaining it grows.

It was a dream when we first moved in

My mom helped me a lot with my kids, especially with their schooling. My kids were 10 and 11 when she moved in, and they were homeschooled. We drove around a lot because we were going to museums and other activities in Boston. She sometimes helped with driving, and she became their English teacher because her first career was teaching English.

Grammy Wednesdays continued when we moved into the house, and my kids, who are 20 and 22 now, would go down and visit her on their own.

My mom has exceptionally good boundaries. I'm sure we did things differently than she would have done with our kids, but she's always been very good at keeping her opinions to herself.

My mom is still independent, but needs our help now

At 82, she's a bit less independent than she was 10 years ago because of health issues. Still, she has privacy: I don't know everything that she does all the time, and we can go days without seeing each other. Other times, we see each other a lot more often.

We have had a few medical emergencies with my mom, so I got in the habit of keeping my phone next to my bed. There have been a few times that she's had to call me.

I cannot imagine how much harder it would be to be a daughter of an aging mom if we weren't in the same house. I would be so much more concerned about her being alone and getting lonelier. It would be more time-consuming for me if I had to go somewhere else to support her.

The house gave us other financial benefits

In the beginning, the only financial benefit I really thought about of combining households was that we could get a nicer house than my husband and I could afford on our own.

Around the time we got this house, my brother's family went through a foreclosure after his wife had been hit by a drunken driver and had a traumatic brain injury. They had a lot of housing instability during that time because she was unable to work and had massive medical bills. They were not sure where they were going to live.

Because we combined households with my mom, we were able to tap into the equity in this house to help them. We took out a home equity loan and bought a small, lovely house, and rented it to them. We weren't really making any money on it, but the rent was paying the bills.

Within two years, they recovered their credit enough that they purchased the house from us. They were able to rebuild their financial well-being in that house.

We used the proceeds from the sale to buy a vacation property in Vermont, which we turned into an Airbnb for four years. When we sold it, we paid off our kids' student loans.

We were all able to build wealth because we combined households with my mom. We feel so proud and grateful. It's not something I saw coming 11 years ago.

I see multigenerational living as one of the most compelling solutions to our elder care and affordable housing crises. Bringing families together around this is really an underutilized solution.