• When my son was young, I let myself dream one day and made a list of what I'd do with endless money.
• Those things seemed impossible when swirling around in my head, but on paper, they didn't.
• The list became a vision board, and then, it helped me plan and build my future.

By the time my son was almost 1, I had a small amount of savings and a part-time job, but I wasn't exactly flush with cash. Still, I was slowly emerging from the financial survival mode I had been in for most of my 20s, focusing solely on caring for my first baby.

Finances began to dominate my concerns as I became serious about building a stable future for us. I didn't want to be so worried about money forever. But first, I wanted to fantasize — just for a moment — about what I'd do with my life if money were a non-issue.

Just for a moment, I wanted to pretend I didn't have to worry about money

I sat down at the kitchen table while my son took his afternoon nap. He was about 10 months old then. With a cup of coffee, I allowed myself to dream. I wrote "Wishlist" at the top of a blank spiral notebook sheet, and then started listing bullet items. It took less than five minutes.

When I was done, I started examining each item on its own: Go to Paris, Buy my own house, Finish my degree, Become a teacher, Get us whatever we need without worrying, Get a dog, Start a business. When they'd been stirring around in my mind all together, these things seemed outlandish. Own my own home as a single person? It didn't seem possible — until I saw it written down on that paper, and started truly thinking about what it would take to make it happen.

Broken down individually, these things suddenly looked much more attainable. Yes, it'd still take a lot of time and effort to achieve, and I may not get them all — or all at the same time — but it wasn't impossible for me to build the life I wanted for myself and my son. For example, finishing my degree wasn't really that crazy when I started thinking about it. By applying for financial aid or loans and saving up for tuition, I knew it wouldn't be impossible to complete just two years of college to finish my Bachelor's degree.

My wishlist started looking more like a blueprint for our future

I saw that college was really one of the first steps to getting the rest of the things that I had written down. With a degree, I knew I could earn more money. With the possibility of a dependable income in mind, I could now visualize us in our own house — with that dog! I foresaw less worry about expenses, like clothes, groceries, and even extras, such as more travel and eating out.

My son is 12 now. Since I wrote that list over a decade ago, I have started a couple of businesses while finishing my degree. And yes, I even bought my own house, and we got a dog. It was by no means easy or fast. After I sat down at my kitchen table, it took a total of five years — and very little rest — to achieve all of that.

We haven't yet made it to Paris, but I was so proud to take us on a "real" vacation — with airplanes, rental cars, and hotels — to Vermont one summer. While I was able to work for some of the things that I once thought were far-fetched, the financial concern never went away. I still worry about paying for things we need sometimes, but I also try to alleviate the anxiety by reassuring myself that I always figure it out.

Without realizing it, I was designing our future that day

After I finished my degree, I taught English for six years. I now know that what I did that day with my wishlist was backward planning, a strategy in which you start with the final goal or assessment and work backward to determine the steps needed to get there. All of my bullet list items were final goals. Once the goals were clear, it was easier to determine the steps to get there.

Or maybe when I allowed myself to dream that day and wrote down my desires on that piece of paper, part of me was manifesting my future. By taking that small step, I could see that the things I wanted weren't really that out of reach — with the right amount of foresight and planning, of course. For the next several years, that list was basically my vision board.

Money makes things easier sometimes, but I no longer view it as a barrier

I thought money stood in the way of everything I dreamed of, but it didn't. Once I saw that there was a way to get to where I wanted to go, with the right plan, the world opened up a little more for me. My wishlist was powerful, because I saw that with enough drive, nothing should really stop me from going after my dreams.

• My oldest got her first job, and I quickly realized I needed to teach her about managing money.
• She's learning how to budget, save, and splurge from time to time.
• She now pays for her own drinks at coffee shops and I charge her for rides to and from work.

I was absolutely thrilled when my oldest child got her first retail job. Within a few weeks of starting, she was sometimes working 20 or more hours a week, bringing home a solid paycheck at just 17.

However, I quickly realized how little I'd taught her about money management. Judging by the number of Amazon packages arriving on our porch, addressed to my daughter, I knew we still have a lot of work to do, but I wanted to be careful in the way I guided her.

We tried to talk about money early

When our four kids were young, we used a jar system for their allowances. They would divide their singles and fives among the jars, which included one for savings. Then, they would place their spending money in their wallets. This system was simple and it worked for a time. When they received money for their birthdays or Christmas, we would deposit those funds into their savings accounts to instill the idea of saving for future expenses or for a rainy day.

I guess time got away from me. In the blink of an eye, my sweet elementary school girl who spent her days creating art and dancing is now approaching high school graduation. With her sudden and bountiful-for-her-age income, it was time for a crash course in budgeting.

We had to decide how we would handle her new income

My husband and I suddenly had so many decisions to make. What should our daughter's financial responsibilities be at this age? Which essentials and wants should we continue to pay for? How much should she place in her savings account versus how much of her check should she be able to freely spend?

I decided that I wanted my daughter to learn through trial and error, with support.

There were times I cringed when I saw another Amazon order arrive on our doorstep, the package addressed to my daughter, or I knew she'd decided to get Starbucks for herself and treat her friend who wasn't working. But, isn't it ok to enjoy the fruits of her labor? I felt as if I were in one of those old school cartoons, an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. As a parent, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be teaching her.

She's learning that money flow is dynamic

She's been at her job for almost six months now. Her hours wane and increase based on the store's busy and slow seasons. She's had large paychecks, as well as paychecks for only a few hours of work. Learning to adjust with every pay cycle has been challenging. As a parent, I know my job isn't to fix my child's feelings that naturally come with every challenge. Rather, my job is to hold space for frustration and encourage her to process and problem-solve.

What I've found is that there is no end-all, be-all guidebook to teaching our kids about money. Every family dynamic and financial situation is different and ever-changing. I personally value having healthy food at home over eating out, I like buying quality clothing at a deep discount, and I am not one to do much extra for myself, like get my nails done. My values, however, don't have to be my child's — not now or even in the future.

Instead, I want her to have basic financial competency and confidence. I also want her to understand the value of a dollar, which is why she now has to pay some of her own expenses, such as any eating out at coffee shop, as well as her favorite press-on nails, or (yet another) stainless steel water bottle that she just has to have. We also charge her $10 (much less than an Uber would cost) for a roundtrip ride to and from work, preparing her for putting gas in her own vehicle in the near future.

She has opted to save around 75% of each paycheck, no matter how many hours she worked that week. That was her choice, and her father and I are pleased with it. She is slowly learning to spend wisely, to pause and ask herself, "Do I really want this beyond just this moment?" She is truly living and learning — and so are we.