• When my husband and I moved in together, we started having monthly money dates.
• We talk about household finances, shared expenses, investments, and things we want to save up for.
• It's the reason we haven't argued about money in 10 years.

On the last day of every month, my husband and I sit down for what we call a money meeting — a monthly money date where we discuss our household finances. We look at how much we each earned that month, our fixed and variable expenses, our savings and investment accounts, and discuss any financial decisions we need to make.

I used to dread these money dates, but they're such a regular part of our lives, I don't mind them anymore. In fact, I actually look forward to sitting down with my husband and seeing all of our numbers laid out.

We started having monthly money dates when we first moved in together, almost 10 years ago, and haven't missed a month since. I firmly believe that being open about our financial situation on a regular basis is the reason my husband and I have never fought about money.

At first, sharing finances was intimidating

When my husband and I first moved in together, we weren't in the best financial situation. I wasn't earning a lot of money as a new freelance writer, and he had student debt and car payments.

Our first time sitting down to talk solely about money was scary, but we both committed to being vulnerable and completely open about our financial situations.

We made a pact that these monthly money chats weren't about shaming the other person for their spending or feeling guilty about past debt. The goal was to share, without judgment, and figure out how we could use our money to reach our goals.

Sharing those numbers got easier the more often we did it. Eventually, money went from something taboo that we were insecure about to something we were excited to discuss and make work for us.

By having a monthly money date on the calendar, it meant one person wasn't responsible for bringing up the money conversation. It was something we automatically did each month.

Our financial system changed over the years but we never stopped talking about it

My husband and I had separate bank accounts when we first moved in together in 2017. We then opened a joint account for rent and household expenses. As time went on, we found that more and more things were coming out of the joint account.

Eventually, we decided to combine our finances completely. We now have fully joint bank accounts, and we have access to each other's retirement accounts and credit cards, as well.

For us, this system works. It makes it simpler for us to pay bills, buy groceries, and make decisions about bigger expenses, like travel and day care. We trust each other to spend reasonably on the day-to-day stuff and always discuss any big purchases ahead of time.

But I know completely combined finances doesn't work for everyone.

Even when our accounts were separate, we still made sure to talk about finances every month and used the time to share how much we were each earning, spending, and saving. That transparency made it easier for us to build trust, reduce resentment, and work toward future plans.

We look at our money as a tool to achieve our goals

One of my favorite parts of our monthly money dates is deciding what to do with any leftover funds after paying our bills and expenses, which is a privilege to be able to do.

My husband and I have many savings goals (some are shared, and some are just his or just mine), such as saving up for travel, for retirement, for our daughter's college fund, and even a fun account for things my husband wants to buy, like video games or bike parts. It's really exciting to be able to fund those accounts and see our money helping us get closer to our dream life.

But even when we don't have extra money to put into savings or investments, I'm still so glad we have our monthly money meeting. I like getting on the same page with my husband and knowing we can talk openly about our financial picture.

I know money is something that a lot of couples fight about. Even though it's hard — and perhaps especially when it is — my biggest tip for new couples is to start talking openly about your finances from day one. It's better than letting years of shameful spending, debt, or money secrets build into resentment that could ruin your relationship.

• Bakari Akil, a New York private equity investor, explores 30 countries with Remote Year's program.
• Akil manages travel expenses by using platforms like Airbnb and spends $2,000 a month on housing.
• After his tour, Akil found international living offered a better quality of life than in the U.S.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Bakari Akil, 37, a private equity investor from New York. Akil grew up with no international travel experience and, three years ago, set out to visit 30 different countries each month. He finished his list, but is still traveling around the world. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

People I knew were traveling around and out of the country, and doing all this really cool stuff, and I was just like, "How are people pulling this off?" I just couldn't figure out how people were living these cool lives.

While I was at the Equinox on 67th Street in New York City, one of my gym friends had just come back from a trip internationally.

I said, "Yo, how do you travel like that?" He said, "I've been doing this since I was a kid." I didn't have any international traveling under my belt at all.

He told me to look into this program called Remote Year. I looked it up. The program takes other digital nomads, people who don't have to be locked into whatever location, on month-long trips.

Remote Year would find your housing, they'd find stuff for you to do inside the country, and they'd introduce you to people who were there. They even covered the flights between the countries as you were going to the next country. The only thing they didn't cover was food.

It was all-inclusive in a monthly $2,000 fee. I was paying about $3,000 a month to live in New York City just for rent — not including the gym and all that other stuff.

They're saying I can go live in a different country every month for 60% of what I'm paying for rent? What am I doing, of course I should do this.

I learned about it in March 2023, and I was on the trip with them by July.

I had a strict list of 30 countries I wanted to visit

I got on a plane, and I flew to Cape Town, South Africa. I traveled with Remote Year for four months. We went to South Africa, Greece, Spain, and Turkey together.

Then in Turkey, I left them. Since then, I have basically lived in a different country every month.

I went to India, then Thailand, then Vietnam, all throughout Southeast Asia. Then I went to East Asia: China, Japan, and Korea. I went to Jamaica, and then I flew to Ghana, Nigeria, Kenya, Ethiopia, and Egypt.

Then I spent a month in Israel and Palestine, going back and forth between Tel Aviv and Ramallah.

I did a European tour last summer. I was in Berlin, and then I spent a month in London, Paris, and Rome.

After Rome, I went to South America for the first time. I went to Peru. And then I went up to Mexico. I spent a little bit of time in the Caribbean in Cuba, the Dominican Republic, and Puerto Rico. Then from Puerto Rico, I flew to Colombia, Brazil, and Argentina in March of this year — that's when I officially wrapped up my specific tour of 30 countries I'd wanted to go to.

A lot of people got a chance to study abroad — I didn't get a chance to do that. So this was me catching up.

I tried to keep my expenses consistent across countries

My travel expenses between the nations were a couple of hundred dollars. If I'm flying from America to Thailand, it's going to cost me maybe $1,000. But if I'm flying from Cambodia to Thailand, it might cost me $100.

The idea was: while I'm right next to places, go visit them and make it easier.

In Asia, Africa, South America, and parts of the Caribbean, it would be very difficult or very unlikely for me to spend more than $2,000 a month on housing. The platforms I would use primarily were Airbnb and Booking.com.

Airbnb has always been the best for me because I want to cook, and it's not impossible, but it's harder to find hotels outside Asia that will provide you with a room that also has a kitchen.

In each place, I'm staying for a month, and I'm spending about $2,000 to live, and not in a faraway area — in the same kind of building that I was aspiring to live in when I was living in New York.

When I was in South Africa, I was living in the Victoria and Alfred area, which is the most expensive area in all of Cape Town, and I paid less than $2,000 for the month.

But the cool thing is that, unlike rent, when I'm in London for a month, and I know I'm going to be spending 12 months abroad, one month might be $2,800, and the next might be $1,400. It ends up balancing itself out.

Right before I left on my trip in 2023, I also applied for dual citizenship (I'm Jamaican by lineage). I got my Jamaican and American passports, which made it easy for me to navigate throughout Africa because there are certain nations where, if you bring your Jamaican passport, you don't have to pay a visa fee, or you can pay a lower visa fee.

So with a Jamaican passport, Ghana is visa-free, and Nigeria is cheaper than a United States visa.

I wanted to travel the US, too, but it's so expensive

After I finished my initial trip in March, I came back to the US for a month. I spent a month in Washington, DC, and was excited to come back to the US.

In fact, I was thinking I was going to do the same thing I had done internationally. I'll spend a month in Washington, then a month in Boston, then Chicago, and New York, and get a good sense of my home country. I'd been international, and I hadn't done the same thing at home.

The first time I went grocery shopping in Washington, DC, I was like, "What is going on? Why is it so expensive?"

In the rest of the world, you go inside a grocery store, you spend $50, and you have a very well-stocked fridge.

I'm coming from Argentina. I go back to the capital of my country, and it's just like, wow. It's unaffordable — and I'm not poor. It felt like the quality of life outside the United States was better than inside the United States.

I'm looking for somewhere to stay longer

After coming back home, I feel like I'm an international guy now.

I'm in Bangkok now. But now I am thinking, "Where are those places I can stay permanently?" Mexico City's one of those, Bangkok is one of them, Nairobi, Cape Town, and a few others.

I am a very big proponent of ownership, but I've always felt like the idea of owning your own home for the purpose of owning a home felt like a vanity thing — not necessarily a great financial situation. People end up spending way more than what they intended to spend when they buy their homes.

And the flexibility to wake up and say, "All right, Bangkok was nice. Now let's go to X, Y, Z," is impossible if I own a home.

• I'm raising my kids in the Hamptons as a single mom, and it isn't easy.
• I have to grocery shop out of town, and I've cut my kids' expensive activities.
• I'm not going out as much anymore to save money, but I'm making it work.

I live in the Hamptons year-round, and I understand why people think summer here looks glamorous from the outside.

There is the much-anticipated season for those who come to visit: the rush of crowds, people jumping from one boutique fitness class to the next, the packed restaurants and bars, the private parties, and the highly coveted events all around.

But for me, as a single mom of two and the founder and owner of East End Taste, an event planning and production company, summer out east can be extraordinarily challenging. But I grew up in The Hamptons and want to raise my children here.

Housing costs are high

When I got divorced, I liquidated a great deal of my savings. I would not have been able to afford the divorce process otherwise. I am still pushing on from that deficit, and I have to work nearly four to five times as hard just to keep everything moving.

That means my Hamptons rent is a struggle. I pay around $4,000 a month, including utilities, basic maintenance, and house cleaning.

But the cost of renting a home here doesn't stop at rent. Lawn care, air conditioning, pool maintenance, and basic upkeep add up quickly. Pool maintenance alone can cost $3,000 to $5,000 or more. I remember this from when my husband and I took care of his family's property, and we were not even paying rent.

For pool maintenance during the summer months, I currently pay about $1,000 a month combined for air conditioning maintenance and pool cleaning.

Feeding my family can get difficult

Groceries in the Hamptons are extraordinarily overpriced. I am not even talking about some of the specialty markets like the famous Round Swamp Farm in East Hampton or Loaves & Fishes, where two items can easily be $40.

Costco, Lidl, and Walmart runs are necessary for my family. Most of my necessary shopping is in Riverhead or Hampton Bays, where the cheaper grocery stores are located.

For my kids' lunches, I team up with a few other moms and pay one of them to make food for my kids for the week. I am so busy running around for my job that I feel like I am constantly either driving, stuck in traffic, on my computer drafting emails, or reviewing contracts. Having that help with lunches is one less thing I have to worry about.

I have also had to rethink my children's activities

I cut out private tennis lessons and instead enlisted buddies who are more senior players to play with my kids.

My son organizes soccer sessions at the park, even with children he has just met. I love seeing that because they are learning how to stay active and create their own fun without every activity having to come with a major price tag.

I have also become savvy with checking out all of the public libraries in the Hamptons. Each one is different. I take my children there to participate in summer reading challenges and other programs. I am grateful for affordable classes and community offerings, like Italian in Bridgehampton and t'ai chi in Hampton Bays.

I do not allow my kids to go to the toy store or Dylan's Candy Bar as liberally as I once did. I tell them, "If it is not in your piggy bank, you cannot afford it."

My daughter has made homemade slime, lemonade, and iced tea to sell in our neighborhood so she and her brother can make extra cash to buy toys.

My social life is a financial struggle, too

I rarely purchase alcohol. Going out to eat for a party of four in the Hamptons can easily be well over $1,000 if everyone has dinner and two drinks.

I have become savvy with learning about happy hours, and I have no shame in asking whether a local's rate is available.

I am also grateful for complimentary fitness classes around the Hamptons, typically sponsored by a brand. There are still ways to participate without spending a fortune, but you have to know where to look.

Living in the Hamptons year-round means seeing both sides of it

There is the glamorous version people come here for in the summer, and then there is the reality for locals, single parents, and small business owners trying to make it all work.

I love where I live and where I grew up. But summer here is not always easy behind the scenes.

For me, it takes discipline, creativity, help from friends, and a constant willingness to adapt and be humble.

• When my son was young, I let myself dream one day and made a list of what I'd do with endless money.
• Those things seemed impossible when swirling around in my head, but on paper, they didn't.
• The list became a vision board, and then, it helped me plan and build my future.

By the time my son was almost 1, I had a small amount of savings and a part-time job, but I wasn't exactly flush with cash. Still, I was slowly emerging from the financial survival mode I had been in for most of my 20s, focusing solely on caring for my first baby.

Finances began to dominate my concerns as I became serious about building a stable future for us. I didn't want to be so worried about money forever. But first, I wanted to fantasize — just for a moment — about what I'd do with my life if money were a non-issue.

Just for a moment, I wanted to pretend I didn't have to worry about money

I sat down at the kitchen table while my son took his afternoon nap. He was about 10 months old then. With a cup of coffee, I allowed myself to dream. I wrote "Wishlist" at the top of a blank spiral notebook sheet, and then started listing bullet items. It took less than five minutes.

When I was done, I started examining each item on its own: Go to Paris, Buy my own house, Finish my degree, Become a teacher, Get us whatever we need without worrying, Get a dog, Start a business. When they'd been stirring around in my mind all together, these things seemed outlandish. Own my own home as a single person? It didn't seem possible — until I saw it written down on that paper, and started truly thinking about what it would take to make it happen.

Broken down individually, these things suddenly looked much more attainable. Yes, it'd still take a lot of time and effort to achieve, and I may not get them all — or all at the same time — but it wasn't impossible for me to build the life I wanted for myself and my son. For example, finishing my degree wasn't really that crazy when I started thinking about it. By applying for financial aid or loans and saving up for tuition, I knew it wouldn't be impossible to complete just two years of college to finish my Bachelor's degree.

My wishlist started looking more like a blueprint for our future

I saw that college was really one of the first steps to getting the rest of the things that I had written down. With a degree, I knew I could earn more money. With the possibility of a dependable income in mind, I could now visualize us in our own house — with that dog! I foresaw less worry about expenses, like clothes, groceries, and even extras, such as more travel and eating out.

My son is 12 now. Since I wrote that list over a decade ago, I have started a couple of businesses while finishing my degree. And yes, I even bought my own house, and we got a dog. It was by no means easy or fast. After I sat down at my kitchen table, it took a total of five years — and very little rest — to achieve all of that.

We haven't yet made it to Paris, but I was so proud to take us on a "real" vacation — with airplanes, rental cars, and hotels — to Vermont one summer. While I was able to work for some of the things that I once thought were far-fetched, the financial concern never went away. I still worry about paying for things we need sometimes, but I also try to alleviate the anxiety by reassuring myself that I always figure it out.

Without realizing it, I was designing our future that day

After I finished my degree, I taught English for six years. I now know that what I did that day with my wishlist was backward planning, a strategy in which you start with the final goal or assessment and work backward to determine the steps needed to get there. All of my bullet list items were final goals. Once the goals were clear, it was easier to determine the steps to get there.

Or maybe when I allowed myself to dream that day and wrote down my desires on that piece of paper, part of me was manifesting my future. By taking that small step, I could see that the things I wanted weren't really that out of reach — with the right amount of foresight and planning, of course. For the next several years, that list was basically my vision board.

Money makes things easier sometimes, but I no longer view it as a barrier

I thought money stood in the way of everything I dreamed of, but it didn't. Once I saw that there was a way to get to where I wanted to go, with the right plan, the world opened up a little more for me. My wishlist was powerful, because I saw that with enough drive, nothing should really stop me from going after my dreams.

• My oldest got her first job, and I quickly realized I needed to teach her about managing money.
• She's learning how to budget, save, and splurge from time to time.
• She now pays for her own drinks at coffee shops and I charge her for rides to and from work.

I was absolutely thrilled when my oldest child got her first retail job. Within a few weeks of starting, she was sometimes working 20 or more hours a week, bringing home a solid paycheck at just 17.

However, I quickly realized how little I'd taught her about money management. Judging by the number of Amazon packages arriving on our porch, addressed to my daughter, I knew we still have a lot of work to do, but I wanted to be careful in the way I guided her.

We tried to talk about money early

When our four kids were young, we used a jar system for their allowances. They would divide their singles and fives among the jars, which included one for savings. Then, they would place their spending money in their wallets. This system was simple and it worked for a time. When they received money for their birthdays or Christmas, we would deposit those funds into their savings accounts to instill the idea of saving for future expenses or for a rainy day.

I guess time got away from me. In the blink of an eye, my sweet elementary school girl who spent her days creating art and dancing is now approaching high school graduation. With her sudden and bountiful-for-her-age income, it was time for a crash course in budgeting.

We had to decide how we would handle her new income

My husband and I suddenly had so many decisions to make. What should our daughter's financial responsibilities be at this age? Which essentials and wants should we continue to pay for? How much should she place in her savings account versus how much of her check should she be able to freely spend?

I decided that I wanted my daughter to learn through trial and error, with support.

There were times I cringed when I saw another Amazon order arrive on our doorstep, the package addressed to my daughter, or I knew she'd decided to get Starbucks for herself and treat her friend who wasn't working. But, isn't it ok to enjoy the fruits of her labor? I felt as if I were in one of those old school cartoons, an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. As a parent, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be teaching her.

She's learning that money flow is dynamic

She's been at her job for almost six months now. Her hours wane and increase based on the store's busy and slow seasons. She's had large paychecks, as well as paychecks for only a few hours of work. Learning to adjust with every pay cycle has been challenging. As a parent, I know my job isn't to fix my child's feelings that naturally come with every challenge. Rather, my job is to hold space for frustration and encourage her to process and problem-solve.

What I've found is that there is no end-all, be-all guidebook to teaching our kids about money. Every family dynamic and financial situation is different and ever-changing. I personally value having healthy food at home over eating out, I like buying quality clothing at a deep discount, and I am not one to do much extra for myself, like get my nails done. My values, however, don't have to be my child's — not now or even in the future.

Instead, I want her to have basic financial competency and confidence. I also want her to understand the value of a dollar, which is why she now has to pay some of her own expenses, such as any eating out at coffee shop, as well as her favorite press-on nails, or (yet another) stainless steel water bottle that she just has to have. We also charge her $10 (much less than an Uber would cost) for a roundtrip ride to and from work, preparing her for putting gas in her own vehicle in the near future.

She has opted to save around 75% of each paycheck, no matter how many hours she worked that week. That was her choice, and her father and I are pleased with it. She is slowly learning to spend wisely, to pause and ask herself, "Do I really want this beyond just this moment?" She is truly living and learning — and so are we.