• At 35, I decided to leave Texas behind to live in Madrid. I didn't have much of a plan.
• After moving, my life changed. I felt inspired by the women I met abroad and started a business.
• Life hasn't been perfect, but I'm still glad I'm here a decade later.

At 35, I left my comfortable life in Texas and bought a one-way ticket to Madrid to teach English.

On paper, everything in Austin looked fine: I had a job at a tech startup, a condo, and a steady routine. My days were predictable, comfortable, and deeply unfulfilling. I felt like I was sleepwalking through them.

I'd studied in Spain and had attempted to move there three times during my 20s. By my mid-30s, I assumed I had missed my opportunity.

Despite being single and childfree, walking away from everything without a plan felt like recklessly blowing up my life.

However, I always had a nagging feeling that there was more to my story. So, I pushed past the voice in my head that said I was "too old" to start over and packed my bags.

Ten years later, I'm still abroad. This move reshaped my life in ways I couldn't have predicted. Breaking with society's norms and taking a chance on myself led me to build the life of freedom I truly wanted.

Here are three things I've learned since leaving the US for my new life in Spain with me, myself, and I.

Age isn't as limited as I'd been taught to believe — especially for women

In the US, we are repeatedly reminded of the typical "path of success": Get married, have children, climb the corporate ladder, buy the house — and do all of this before you get too old.

In my early 30s in Austin, I had a built-in social circle where everyone my age was coupled (or wanted to be), and many had children. As a woman who wasn't prioritizing marriage or motherhood, I felt strangely behind, despite not wanting the same things. I felt like an outlier.

That changed when I moved to Spain. Most women I met didn't follow conventional timelines, and I no longer felt subtle judgment about my life choices. I met countless women my age and older, without kids, and many of them were unattached.

No one ever asked me why I wasn't married. For the first time in my life, I felt like my life choices were normal.

I was also surprised by the number of women over 30 I met who had moved abroad. In Texas, I only knew of students and retirees making the leap, not people in the middle of their careers.

Most people my age were chasing stability, not a total life shake-up. Having no one who understood to turn to for support made me feel even more anxious about my decision.

However, I soon realized that moving in my 30s was actually an advantage. I had more financial stability, better self-awareness, and the wisdom to navigate challenges with perspective.

One of the biggest lessons from my past decade abroad is that there's no expiration date on reinvention. My 30s and 40s have been full of new beginnings, from moving abroad at 35 to starting a new career at 37 to building a thriving business at 40.

Rather than conforming to a path, I created one that fit.

Changing where you live can radically change your life

When you move somewhere new, you gain something very powerful: the ability to choose who you want to be. Distance from past identities, histories, and assumptions about who you are can be very freeing.

And that's the real gift of moving abroad, it's not just a change of scenery, it's a change of context. You can try, fail, pivot, and evolve without an audience.

Before I moved to Spain, my life in the US was characterized by serial job-hopping. I struggled to find my way in the corporate world, while everyone else seemed to move through it with ease.

I felt like something was wrong with me, and I constantly wondered why I couldn't just conform. In the US, work feels like it equals your worth, so what did not thriving say about me?

At 35, I knew teaching abroad wasn't my long-term plan, but I also didn't move across the ocean to chase the conventional path of success. For the first time, I felt free of societal expectations, family pressures, and cultural norms. That anonymity coupled with downtime was the catalyst for self-discovery.

I started asking myself questions that never fit within the conventional definition of success: What do I really want? What excites me? What kind of life do I want to create?

Outside the 9-to-5 grind, I found creativity and clarity. In Madrid, I started blogging, organizing events, and exploring ideas without knowing where they would lead.

Within a year and a half, they led me to start She Hit Refresh, a community and company that helps women over 30 move abroad so they can stop stressing over logistics and build a life that feels aligned with who they are internally.

If I had stayed in Texas, I'm not sure that this version of me would have surfaced. I used to think that I needed to become someone different to thrive in the US.

It turns out I didn't need to change who I was; I just needed to be in a place that allowed me to become myself.

Moving abroad isn't a cure-all

It would be easy to frame a move abroad as a fairy tale, but it isn't.

Navigating visa stress and bureaucracy (particularly in a foreign language) can feel impossible some days. Even easy tasks like grocery shopping or taking the bus can be hard at first and leave you with a stress headache.

I've suffered anxiety from navigating my first office job in Spanish, and it took me years longer than expected to build close friendships.

There were many times when I felt lonely, isolated, and financially uncertain. There were even moments when I doubted whether I had made the right decision. However, I've come to learn that all this is normal.

Life abroad will have its highs and lows, because life abroad is still life.

Overall, though, my day-to-day stress is significantly lower. I walk everywhere. Healthcare is affordable. Travel is accessible and affordable.

My social life is richer and full of friends whose stories are similar to mine. Most importantly, my life feels aligned with who I am.

Moving abroad did not magically solve any of my problems, but it did give me the psychological space to reimagine who I could become. By changing where I lived, I changed how I saw myself and what I believed I was capable of doing.

I took risks I wouldn't have taken back home, and over time, those choices compounded.

What started as a one-year Hail Mary became a new career, a business, and a life that fits me far better than the one I left behind.

• My husband and I sold our house in the US and moved our four-person family to a suburb in Spain.
• We made some mistakes, like not translating important documents and canceling our US phone numbers.
• Errors aside, I'm thrilled to be building a life for my family in Spain.

When my husband and I decided to move our four-person family from the US to Spain, we had roughly two semesters of college Spanish between us and zero experience living abroad.

We didn't let that stop us, though. Beginning in March 2025, we researched obsessively, read books, made spreadsheets, and put together lists of pros and cons. The more research we did, the more confident we became that Spain was the correct place for our family.

Five months later, we packed up our lives and moved our 6- and 9-year-old sons from Northford, Connecticut, to Las Rozas de Madrid, a suburb northwest of the Spanish capital.

Despite our extensive preparation, lessons awaited us. After all, there's so much to consider while moving abroad (especially with kids), and slipups are unavoidable.

That said, here are five mistakes I wish I'd avoided when my family moved.

I wish I'd started building my community abroad before we left

Between selling our home in Connecticut, finding a place to live in Spain, and figuring out where our sons would enroll in school, I deprioritized my new social life.

I assumed we'd naturally meet people once we got here, and we eventually did. But those first few months were lonely.

We arrived in August, a month before my sons' school year started, and many locals were still away on summer trips. Once school started, it became easier to connect with other families. I also joined a few WhatsApp groups recommended to me by other expats.

I'm still very much in the early stages of building a network here. If I were doing the move over, I'd join related regional and professional groups, connect with families in our area, and start building relationships before I even left the US.

Having even one friend waiting for me in Spain would've made a huge difference.

My husband and I didn't ask the right questions about our sons' school curricula

My husband and I planned to start our boys in an international school to ease their transition into a new country and language, with the goal of eventually moving them into a local Spanish school once they were fluent.

We selected an international private school that follows an International Baccalaureate (IB) curriculum with Spanish language support. It seemed like the perfect fit — until we realized we hadn't asked the right questions.

We failed to realize that our boys, who didn't arrive speaking Spanish, would be learning alongside native speakers rather than building introductory skills.

They're getting an incredible education in Spain, but it's not the foundational language curriculum we expected. We now supplement school with online Spanish tutoring twice a week to fill the gap.

To other parents moving their school-age kids abroad to Spain, I'd recommend asking specifically about language use and requesting sample lesson plans before enrolling to see what language support looks like in practice.

Translating important documents into the local language would've been extremely helpful

Four months after moving, I had to undergo emergency surgery. I felt completely unprepared as I relied on Google Translate and my husband's elementary Spanish language skills to communicate with staff.

We got through it, but "getting through it" isn't the same as feeling safe, understood, and informed.

The scariest moment in the ER was right before I went under anesthesia. I was crying because I couldn't understand what the professionals were saying, couldn't communicate my allergies or medical history, and didn't know what was about to happen.

Luckily, the staff took good care of me, but the experience was harder and more frightening than it needed to be.

Before I left the US, I should have saved a translated medical profile with my allergies, medications, and past surgeries on my phone.

I also should've researched how to access medical translation services, so that if something unexpected happens, I wouldn't have to figure it out in the middle of a crisis.

We didn't know that we couldn't rent a car without a special driving permit

Las Rozas de Madrid is well-connected, so my family doesn't own a car here. When we went to rent one for a holiday trip to Cádiz, we assumed we could do so using our US driver's licenses, but we were wrong.

Without an International Driving Permit, renting a car was off the table. We made the best of the situation, but we were restricted in what we could see and do in Cádiz.

I regret not getting an International Driving Permit before leaving the US. It's easy and costs $20.

Canceling our US numbers created a logistical nightmare

My husband and I both canceled our US phone numbers when we left the country, thinking we'd just use Spanish numbers instead. It was a big mistake.

Accessing our US banks and some key services required us to complete text verifications with our US numbers. So, we've gotten locked out of accounts, struggled with two-factor authentication, and spent hours on international calls trying to fix it.

Rather than canceling my number, I wish I'd ported it, which would've let me move it to an online service while keeping my number, to save us endless headaches.

Even with all the mistakes we've made, I'm glad my family made the move

Six months into our new life in Spain, one thing is certain: I'm so grateful for this journey.

Seeing my kids build new friendships, learn a new language, explore new places, try new foods, and gain confidence as their world expands has made every misstep worth it.

Now, we look back on them as part of our story.